I'm frustrated.
A month outside of the convention and I'm not sure I will be able to make this happen.
I want to take the trip. I don't want to let anyone down but I have to be rational. I have to be realistic. I've always said that there is a possibility that I would not be able to take this trip. I knew that going in with Philadelphia. I know that going in with this trip. However, I don't feel any less disappointed.
There's a lot riding on this trip. I'm on a panel about hustling. I don't want to let the people that put this together to feel slighted.
My reputation could be affected by this as well. After all, how can I be the one pushing people to go to the convention when there is a possibility that I cannot make it myself? I don't feel right doing that and that is why I have not been doing it as much as I used to. It feels hypocritical.
I didn't write this post to pity or guilt anyone.
I didn't write it thinking money would get thrown at me.
I wrote it to vent.
I wrote it to be transparent because this is the reality for many students.
Am I saying we shouldn't try to go? No!
I'm still going to try. I'm still going to promote. I have given myself a deadline and I'm going to stick to that deadline.
I'm going to try to make this work.
Somehow.
